One of the projects during my capstone class was to create a show poster for the class to view and vote on. It had to name each of our classmates and represent us as a whole. One of my classmates asked us to each smash our faces into a scanner and then used those images to design her poster. I was "known" and teased by classmates for my insanely long hair (it hung all the way to my hips at the time), so I used that to my advantage. The necklace I'm wearing is an Australian opal my grandfather gave me when I was a child.
She also tagged us all on Facebook with the unedited, uncropped facesmashes, so I swiped this image from her for today.
Things like this on Facebook make me go super reflective and sometimes super stupid. I think today avoids the stupid label, but I've definitely been thinking backwards. It happens, you know?
Every now and then, I can't help but wish that I could go back in time and make things simpler. Or at least slightly less complicated than they are now.
I'd warn myself to exercise more and eat better, so that I might avoid the flare-up that landed me in the hospital last year.
I would tell myself to work harder in school, so that I could have graduated with a better portfolio, more contacts and worked somewhere other than the hell hole of a press-shop I found when I first got out.
Most importantly of all, I would have told myself about the hidden feelings of the Australian I talked to every day and told myself to stop playing coy and just flirt with the man, already!
If I had paid more attention to that, the other things might have resolved on their own with time or simply have been given a miss. He's the one change I definitely wouldn't make to my timeline because he's the one thing that has stayed through all the trouble and strife, as well as all the successes and little victories. He's talked me out of stupid things, convinced me to take risks I might have otherwise shied away from and bolstered me in times of sorrow and woe.
Sometimes, I wish I had opened my eyes sooner and realized that he wasn't just being a "big brotherly figure" for me the way he is for so many, but that he genuinely, sincerely felt more.
I might have made other people's lives a bit easier on the way through because of it.