Thursday, August 18, 2011

30 Day Lolita Challenge: Day Nine

Chuggin' right along and keeping going. Today's theme is:

Day 9: 10 things you will never do in lolita.

There are very few things that I wouldn't do in lolita just because I'm in lolita, so a couple of these are probably going to be "I wouldn't do these things at all and it just happens that I wouldn't do them in lolita either!"

Thing Number One:
Go to the Gym.

Really, I have no idea who would think this is a good idea for any reason. On top of getting your clothes all sweaty (which I risk regularly anyway), you're not going to be able to get the full work-out you need if you're impaired by frills, a petticoat, multiple waistbands and crazy hair accessories, wigs or make-up. The gym is where you go to get in shape, not get in style.

Thing Number Two:
Babysit my nephew.

Now, my brother's son is growing quite fast and is beyond the stage of throwing food or needing a diaper changed, but I still wouldn't want to show up in lolita to take care of him for an afternoon or evening. He's an active kid and needs an equally active caretaker. I can't imagine playing catch, soccer or even Wii fit with him while wearing lolita, never mind cooking his dinner, helping him with his bath or cleaning up after his messes.

Thing Number Three:
Go to the shooting range.

While the irony of me holding a gun in lolita is appealing, I have absolutely no desire to actually fire one while dressed in the style. Partly for the impracticality, partly for the fact that I have no desire to actually shoot a gun at all. Never mind shoot a gun in lolita.

My dad, on the other hand, would probably love for me to do it. And photograph it.

Thing Number Four:
Go rock climbing.

Can you imagine trying to get the harness on over your petticoats? Me neither.

I suppose I could do this sort of thing in bloomers, but my lolita-friendly shoes aren't really climbing-friendly shoes. So I think I'll pass in favor of more safety-conscious attire.

Thing Number Five:
Take erotic or pornographic photos.

Another "I wouldn't do this in or out of lolita", but with huge emphasis on not doing it in lolita. I don't mind girls having sex lives. I don't mind girls having sex in lolita (been there, done that, we both agreed it was more trouble than it was worth). I don't really even mind lolita porn. It's just that I, personally don't really see myself doing that. Ever.

Mostly because the only person I'd be sending naked or erotic photos to is my boyfriend and he's not into that, but also because I'm not into the fetish aspect some lolitas derive from the fashion, myself.

Thing Number Six:

I hate smoking. I hate the smell. It drives me nuts and I can't stand to be around people who are smoking for very long, not even my own mother. I wouldn't want that odor following me all day, especially not while in clothing that I value as much as I do lolita.

Thing Number Seven:
Go to the dentist.

Lord, just picture the effects that the sloping chairs dentists use would have on a fluffy, frou-frou petticoat as it tips backward. Panty shots anyone? Also, all the spray from cleaning would be a pain in the neck to clean off if the little bib didn't do its job.

Thing Number Eight:

Cooking and baking is a messy task. I know that a lot of new lolitas have this idealized version of the world where lolita is worn at all times, especially when doing "quaint" and domestic tasks like cooking or cleaning, but that's just not going to happen with me. Unless I'm in a super rush and the meal I'm preparing is the furthest thing from messy, ever, I will never, ever cook while wearing lolita.

Thing Number Nine:
Clean house.

See the above. Time and place for everything, babes. Time and place.

Thing Number Ten:
Commit a crime.

Think about just how distinctive you'd be as a bank robber in lolita. You'd never be forgotten.

On one hand, you could distract from your real appearance with a wig, insane make-up and the loudest Angelic Pretty print you could lay hands on, but on the other hand, you'd never be able to wear those things again without someone wondering if you were that crazy heist-leader.

Then again, on the THIRD hand, if you took enough at the bank, you could possibly just replace them all. Hmmmmmm.

Maybe I'll have to think number ten over some more.
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